


aint a devils threesome when i does it

by FailureArtist



Series: DepressionStuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drug Use, Humanstuck, Multi, Oral Sex, POV Original Character, Rough Sex, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, even high Gamzee can be creepy, male bisexuality, tag team sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:10:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it’s like to have an awkward drug-fueled M/F/M threesome with a human!Gamzee while being stuck in crappy depression-ridden New York.</p>
<p>Based on the 1930s AU <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/718138?view_full_work=true">And We're All Stuck in a Depression</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	aint a devils threesome when i does it

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains a detailed description of heroin IV injection. Beginning and end of that part marked with three asterisks. Any other troubling content is Reader’s Beware.

It’s early morning in late 1932 and you are sitting in Lalonde’s. The joint has the normal striped-down cellar speakeasy look. The place feels very depressing now that it’s empty and you have no one to go home with.

Then in through the backroom door comes Lalonde’s favorite bootlegger Gamzee with his raccoon coat sleeve around Bridget the doorlady. They are giggling and happy and you feel even lonelier. You have a bit of a thing for Bridget and it hurts to see her with another man. After all the work you’ve spent trying to get with her she ends up with him. He’s a skinny ugly screwball! What does he got that you don’t? Besides the millions of dollars and galloons of quality whiskey, that is. But you’ve got the looks!

“Hey, Moses, my promised brother!” he calls out to you.

“Hey, Mr. Makara, good night,” you greet him.

He takes his raccoon coat off of Bridget and walks over to your table.

“Don’t be motherfuckin’ glum, my mister! By the way, I ain’t no mister myself. Call me Gamzee.”

“Okay, then, I’ll calls ya Gamzee. But with a fuckin’ depression and all these rumors this joint’s closing you can’t expects a guy to be cheerful.”

“Ahh, don’t worry, miracles are always comin’ around. Come on, I’ll make you cheerful.”

“How?”

He looks over at Bridget for a moment and then back at you.

“I’m cookin’ up a little party and I’m likin’ you to come.”

“A little party? I ain’t thinkin’ I wanna be in crowds no more tonight.”

“It ain’t no crowd, it’s a truly little. Only three motherfuckers.”

“Three peoples? Can’t scrounge up a fourth? Who am I gonna have for a date? I’ll look pretty damn silly without one.”

“Don’t you worry about the motherfucker being silly. Bridge-babe’s enough for two motherfuckers males.”

“What are you sayin’ ‘bout Bridget?” you say as your anger rises a little.

“I’m sayin’ she’s fine with our party.”

“What the hell is gonna happen at this party?”

He leans over, puts his elbows on the table, and whispers in your ear.

“We’re gonna take turns fuckin’ her goofy, tag-team style.”

You actually blush at this suggestion. You, a hardened low-down bastard, are getting embarrassed by this lewd suggestion. You’ve heard once or twice of really hard-up fellows sharing a whore but it still seems really out there. Why would a fellow share a sweet thing if he didn’t have to?

“What’s in it for you?”

 “Hey, I’m just offering this in the spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood. I like people gettin’ happy.”

“You really want me to?”

“Hey, we’ll all be havin’ fun. You just gotta asks, what’s in it for you?”

He points over at Bridget.

“Look at her, she’s got the sweetest little baby face, so happy, my brother, and in that dress she looks like she’s smuggling motherfuckin’ grapefruit two by two.”

You bite your lip as you stare at Bridget. She smiles at you or at least in your direction and you find yourself getting hard. You bow your head.

“Ahh, god, okay. I’ll do it.”

He stands back up. “Motherfuckin’ keen!”

He turns to Bridget and she comes over to snuggle under his raccoon coat again. They turn and walk to the door while you sit at the table trying to get your stiffie down.

“You comin’?” Gamzee calls out.

“Yeah, um, just a moments.”

When you’re done thinking about Marie Dressler, you get your coat and join them. The three of you go downtown to a place that will rent two men and one woman a room for a few hours in the middle of the night with no luggage. None of you have to even pretend to be married or related to each other, which is a relief to you because you didn’t want Bridget to be Gamzee’s wife while you’re stuck as her brother.

You get into your hotel room and find it isn’t bad for a flophouse. The floor looks swept and the sheets look clean and there are actual curtains. The bed can fit two people as long as those two people don’t move in their sleep. There is a large wooden table and chair by the right wall and Gamzee immediately takes it over as you and Bridget take off your coats. He takes out of his coat a silver case that looks too big to be a cigarette case, puts it on the table, and drapes the coat over a chair.

“Just gimme a moment or a several,” he says as he sits down, “I’ve never gotten myself much use to doin’ this on my own.” ***

He opens the case and the padded insides look like a doctor’s case. There is a big doctor’s needle, little glass vials, and a piece of cotton. Under his raccoon coat he’s in shirtsleeves and suspenders and no jacket or tie. He unclips the suspenders and unbuttons his shirt. You look at Bridget and she looks like she’s wondering if that means you all should undress, but instead you just stand around. He isn’t wearing an undershirt and he isn’t as skinny as you imagined him. He actually does have some good muscle. However he also has a few odd purple marks on both his arms and you find them disturbing. (You later find out his marking were on the mild side.)

He takes out a tiny bottle and an ampoule of white dust and opens them. The clear liquid from the bottle (vodka? or just plain water?) goes into the ampoule of white dust. He swirls the ampoule to mix it. The syringe is inserted into the ampoule and it sucks it up as he pulls up the plunger.  

Holding the syringe, with his other arm he holds out the purple suspenders towards you. “Hey, you’re strong, tie this around my upper arm all strong like.”

You lean in and take them. “Which arm?”

“Ummmm…right. I’ll go with right tonight.”

You get beside him and tie it around his right bicep as tight as he wants it and that seems very tight.

“Yeah, that’s it, all them purple and red veins comin’ on out.”

He glides the needle towards his right arm before freezing. You hope maybe he’ll decide to stop doing this crazy illegal drug. Okay, liquor is also illegal, but it’s not as illegal as heroin. This hard shit is freaking you out.

Instead he taps the syringe a little against the table and pushes in the plunger a little before continuing.

“Oops, don’t want no bubbles with this juice,” he says.

He plunges that big needle into the crook of his right arm and both you and the girl cringe. When he pulls out the needle it has a bead of blood.

“Swell, got me a vein,” he says, “Untie this shit.”

You untie the suspender and he holds his discarded white shirt to the puncture wound like someone who has a lot of shirts. For the needle however he uses the little piece of cotton dabbed with whiskey from a pocket flask. It’s probably the only time that brand of whiskey has been used for medical purposes. He then slopes back in the chair and it looks like he’s going to go to sleep.

“Ahhh, that’s the shit,” he says. ***

“Ummm, Gamzee baby?” Bridget whispers, “You doped up right enough? Can we start?”

He opens his eyes. “Nope, just a moment, got something else in my miracle box.”

He takes out a third vial with white powder and shakes it.

“Cocaine, but don’t tell Dr. Goodbody I sometimes take. He don’t approve of that drug.”

“Who?” you ask.

But instead of answering he closes the silver case and pours a little of the powder on the smooth top.

“Got a blade?”

With reluctance you give him your folding knife and he uses it to shape the powder into three thin lines.

“Someone want one of these lines?”

You don’t know what he means but you still say no.

“That’s the stuff you take in the nose and it makes you all jumped up, right?” she asks.

“Yep.”

To your surprise, she replies, “I’ll try! Can’t be much different from the tobacco snuff I always used to flinch from grandma.”

“Here, you gotta use a rolled-up dollar bill as a straw for your nose to get suckin’.”

That sounds like one of the worst use of paper currency you have ever heard of, but she takes the bill, puts it in her nose, and snorts up a line like it was nothing at all while he holds the case. She jumps up and her eyes sparkle.

“Wowwy zowwy!” she cries, “That’s better than tobacco!”

He holds out the case towards you. “Sure you don’t want any?”

You look at her white nose and say no again.

“More for me!” he says as he reforms the powder into one line with the blade.

He snorts the now-bigger line, puts down the case and defiled currency, jumps up and lifts Bridget up for a kiss. You are both jealous he gets to kiss her and disgusted at the idea of kissing someone who just shoved what looks like talc powder into their nose-throat canal.

He puts Bridget down finally and turns to you.

“Get them clothes off,” he commands gently, “Both of ya.”

You both jump to undressing. It turns out that Bridget doesn’t wear a girdle under her dress, only a brassiere, panties, and a garter belt, all black. You’d thought so long about what she wore under her dress and your cock stiffens at this discovery. You get done undressing faster and he turns away from staring at Bridget to looking you up and down.

“Daaaaannng,” he drawls, “you look good and that cock looks good on you.”

“Um, thanks, Mr. Makara,” you say as if suddenly being formal will bring some distance between you.

He turns himself back to Bridget and undresses. His cock is small and soft and you feel offended because the sight of your lovely Bridget sitting naked on the bed should be affecting him some way. You’re hard as nails from this dame and she hasn’t even touched you yet. Is this playboy too jaded?

Yet Gamzee is excited enough as he tackles Bridget and starts chewing on her neck. She giggles madly. You just stand around with your penis softening as they neck. What are you even here for? Shouldn’t you get a kiss too? You walk over next to them and sit sideways on the bed with one knee up but they don’t turn to see where the added pressure on the bed is coming from.

Eventually, Gamzee moves down from her neck and you can see the purple bruises he left there. It’s like she was a duck and he was a hunting dog. He puts his mouth on her left nipple and you hear little yelps like he’s biting her. She pulls at his hair but she doesn’t seem to be resisting. While she is distracted, you lie next to her and lick her face.  She doesn’t even turn her head. As much as you dreamed of tasting her skin it doesn’t feel worth it doing anything if she isn’t going to notice. You’re tired of doing things she doesn’t notice. With a sigh you stand up and watch them waiting for your turn.

When he’s done acting like a colicky baby on her poor tits, he squats down on the floor until his head is between her thighs.  Normally you would wonder why a guy would want to slurp up a girl’s dirty drippings but now you wonder why a girl would let a guy who’s just chewed the rest of her to get his teeth near her sensitive bits. However it seems like the guy is finally acting the gentleman and just sticking to licking like a proper pervert. Either that or her sensitive bits aren’t sensitive at all. Judging by her happy chatter she is sensitive.

He pulls his head away and moans, “So motherfuckin’ wet and hot.”

“Yeah it’s good Gamzee baby.”

He then turns his head to you. “Want some?” he asks as if he’s sharing a slice of watermelon.

 “What what want some he’s going down on me?” says your crush as if she wasn’t expecting this to happen when she agreed to this stupid thing.

You look Bridget straight in the eye when you say, “No! I mean, I’m not gonna eat anything, but I do want to fuck her, if that’s okay?”

Bridget moans, “God I don’t fuckin’ care if it’s Wallace Beery humpin’ me I just wanna get fucked I’m too jumped up.”

That isn’t an encouraging sign but your cock doesn’t care. It again hardens to nails. Gamzee gets off of the floor and his cock’s only got a little more blood than before. What’s with him? 

He moves out of the way and you move to stand between her legs. She looks up at you with those beautiful blue eyes that make it hard for you to believe she’s a huge tramp. You find yourself falling in love with her all over again. Holding her legs up you enter her smoothly. She feels so good inside and you just stand still for a moment to let her adjust to your size before you start thrusting.

While you do this, Gamzee stands behind you a little to the side. When you get into the rhythm of things he suddenly speaks up.

“Awww, look at those motherfuckers…” he coos, “Makin’ motherfuckin’ love all physical-like.”

You are startled by this sudden noise and stop.

“No, don’t you motherfuckin’ stop, Moses, go ahead on!”

“Yeah keep the damn rhythm going I need rhythm right now!” she barks.

You go back to fucking her and Gamzee goes back to cooing in your right ear.

“Yeah, that’s just it, give it to her fine, slide that up in there and up in all parts, everything is pulsin’ and alive, everything is beautiful miracles…”

She growls, “Gamzee shut up you fucking screwy cornball DEAR GOD!”

“She’s lovin’ it, see? All a warm glow up in her lovin’ bits. Gonna have herself a crisis.”

If she is enjoying it she doesn’t want to look like it. Her eyes are squished up and she’s biting her lower lip as strange noises rumble through her throat.

You don’t hide yourself. You look at her with adoration even if she won’t look at you back. Even with bruises and bite marks all over her she looks beautiful. It doesn’t matter that she’s clearly only doing this for Gamzee. 

If you had eyes in the back of your head, you could see that Gamzee is staring at you the way you are staring at her. Yet even though that would make you the best bouncer ever if you could do that, you don’t have that ability.

“Yeah, and you feel it too, the comin’ crisis,” he starts up again, “Just totally full and ready to burst into that miracle…”

He grabs your shoulder hard.

“TAG! My turn, brother.”

You obey his command even though you feel like punching his lights out. Annoyingly, he takes his time taking his turn. He first goes over to his coat and brings out a small tin you hope isn’t filled with more drugs. He walks back over to the bed and you can see his cock is amazingly now hardening. She reaches out and strokes his cock for a minute until it becomes the weirdest organ you have ever seen. Its head is big and its shaft has a really unfortunate circumcision scar, but what makes it really fucked-up is _it curves downwards_. You haven’t seen many of the world’s stiffies, but you can safely say you will never see anyone as weird as this one. It does have a nice size however. He opens the tin and you realize it’s just one of those tins of rubber prophylactic. He puts one on his penis and you suddenly feel a bit awkward about not using one earlier. While you can always pull out or she can do…whatever women do after sex when they rush to the john…there is still the question of diseases. She isn’t the cleanest gal around.

You expect Gamzee to offer you a rubber but he puts them away in his coat without a word. You let him do this. The cow has already left the barn.

He goes back to the bed and kisses before entering her. Despite how wet you left her, entering her doesn’t seem to be an easy task because of his odd shape. When he starts thrusting she gives a look that while it’s not of pain (you doubt at this point she has a look of pain in her repertory) it certainly is of deep discomfort. You feel like you’ve won in some way seeing his failure to please her. He seems to finally notice this too when he stops mid-stroke and gives the look of a person who’s suddenly realized they took the wrong bus.

"Oops, motherfuckin’ sister, sorry,” he says as he pulls out and you lean in expecting your turn.

She looks panicked. “What? Is it over? I’m sorry Gamzee baby!”

“It’s just we’ve been goin’ ‘round the wrong position, sister. Flip over and on yo’ fours like a motherfuckin’ doggy.”

 She jumps into a doggy-style position facing away from him on the bed as you lean out. He kneels behind her (more like leans on the bed really). You walk around the bed to a better position to see more of Bridget. He tries again in this new position but you expect the same thing will happen as last time. At first, Bridget’s face seems to show you’re right and Gamzee’s penis is wrong but then he moves in deeper and she gasps.

                “Oh god what did you hit just keep hitting it CHRIST!” she shouts as she begins her manic chatter again.

                He does keep hitting it and he hits it hard. Not only is he hard on her cunt, he takes his hand and slaps her on the ass so it leaves a huge red handprint that looks tattooed on. Again she doesn’t mind while you feel uncomfortable. What is with this guy and being rough with women? You never knew such an easy-going guy would be such a brute. Well, you already knew he killed the first dame he was in ha ha ha that’s a terrible joke about his mother you should feel deeply ashamed.

                You wander around to the bed till you are facing the two. It’s this that makes her alarmed.

                “Don’t put that cock in my mouth I WILL BITE IT OFF!”

                You hadn’t thought of that till now and now you will never think of trying that on her again.

                “Yeah…GOD…don’t be usin’ her mouth,” repeats her lover to make it clear.

You instead stand around like a mug with your cock in your hand watching them fuck like animals. The sight of Bridget getting it is making you feel less uncomfortable and more aroused by the minute. She looks so beautiful, so radiant, and so batshit insane with lust. You wish it were you behind her instead of that ugly skinny louse. Of course if it was you, you wouldn’t be able to see her from the front, so you wish there were two of you so you could before fuck her from behind and watch her face. If only you could time travel so you could watch yourself fuck her with the anticipation that soon you’d travel back to the beginning and get your chance.

Wow, you are really getting silly this morning.

You start to feel yourself getting close and the idea of blowing it before you get another go horrifies you. You reluctantly take your hand off your aching cock and look over at a neutral spot over Gamzee’s shoulder while you calm yourself down. Your eye drifts to Gamzee’s and you think you see him looking at you with lust in his eyes. Despite this disturbing glance you shrug it off as paranoia. A queer wouldn’t fuck a woman when he’s got a trade like you to fuck him, not that you would ever fuck him. The boy doesn’t have an ass.

Your cock is only slightly flaccid when you start back up again but it quickly goes fully erect. It aches so hard. You go in slow strokes, not trying to get off but just trying to stay hard. You stop and start and wait for your turn. Your turn must come. Yet minutes after minutes go by till you think more than half an hour has passed. Gamzee shows no sign of slowing down. You feel sorry for poor Bridget because it looks like she had her fill a long time ago. You feel sorrier for yourself because you are ready to explode.

You finally just give in and yell, “I NEED MY GODDAMN TURN!”

To your surprise Gamzee stops on the dime and says, “Hey! That would be swell!”

He pulls out and you could just kill your past self for not thinking of that solution a half hour ago. You run over closer to the bed as Bridget collapses onto her side. Before she can dutifully turn herself around the weirdest thing happens: Gamzee throws himself on the bed and grabs your cock hard and puts it in his mouth. You will always swear he did it too fast for you to stop him, though you will never be able to answer why you continued to let him do it. You can say you grabbed his hair but it was only to comb through it (you have to admit he has nice silky hair). Really, it just felt too insanely good to stop him. His mouth was so warm after standing around in a drafty room.

This isn’t the first time you’ve been sucked off. You aren’t that green. You’ve had a few prostitutes in your time. However, you have never been sucked off by anyone who enjoyed it. He is moaning like he’s on the other side. This man, the cream of the upper crust who you just saw fuck a very female woman with so much enthusiasm, is now degrading himself by acting like a pansy whore and you love it.

It doesn’t take long for you to nut down his throat and he swallows it whole before taking his mouth off your cock. You hope the guy isn’t going to lay a surprise smack on you now. Instead he just stands up and starts taking deep breaths as he stretches out like he’s preparing to do calisthenics.

“Ahh, that’s a good end for ya, don’t you think?” he asks.

Neither of you answer.

He turns around as he continues his little exercises. When he turns around again his cock is flaccid again. He takes off the condom and you find yourself noticing it’s empty. You also notice he has those same bruises on his thigh as on his arms. You wish you’d stop noticing things.

He drops the condom on the floor as he walks away from the bed and gets his clothes. You would think a man would want to spend after trying so hard but he seems perfectly satisfied. He’s even humming. You look at Bridget and she doesn’t seem at all happy. You are too dumbstruck to feel anything.

When he has his lower-half clothed he turns to you two.

“That was motherfuckin’ swell. Thanks for the sex, y’all! Maybe we should get to doin’ it again sometimes? Especially you, my man Moses. Didn’t get to spend enough times with you.”

“Yes, sir,” you mumble.

“No,” your partner groans, “I’m never doing this shit again.”

“Can’t say you won’t for all sures. I’m kinda addictive, so I’ve been told,” he says.

That sounds ominous.

“I’m not doing any damn cocaine again. What is in that stuff? I have some queer hangover and I haven’t even woken up from anything. In fact it feels like I’ll never go to sleep.”

He shrugs. “That’s just the ways it be. I heard it goes all better with heroin, though it ain’t perfect.”

“Never going to do dope either ever. Damn all narcotics.”

He has finished dressing at this point. He puts on his coat and puts his kit in it and gets out his wallet.

“Sorry I can’t stay for a motherfuckin’ afterparty, got a little down in me too, just a touch. Here, get yourselves some room service.”

He slaps a five dollar bill on the table and leaves. You and Bridget stare at it. You had thought he was acting a cheap whore earlier but now you feel like you’re the whore.

Bridget finally responds, “Room service? What sort of joint does that stupid rich boy think we’re in?”

Oddly enough, after this you and Bridget start going out, so that’s something good.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Do not attempt most of the things described here.
> 
> I have tried to make the drug use in this story accurate through much research, much of it with erowid.com. I do not have any hands-on experience with recreational illegal drug use, not even with pot. I hope there are no inaccuracies. However, Gamzee not heating up the heroin isn’t one of them, since you only need to cook heroin if it’s impure and Gamzee always scores pure heroin via his personal physician Dr. Goodbody. ~~Which goes to show you should only do heroin if you are rich and well-connected.~~ NO NEVER DO HEROIN.


End file.
